


In the Lonely Hour

by jigyunet



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, cheating but like a smidgen of it, expect angsty angsty angsty stories, full on hurt because i love getting hurt by my otp, literally there will be side pairings because hurting and the cheating and the other love stuff, lmao i suck at this, the romance in this is basically sad romance because i like to cry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-08 20:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12872370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jigyunet/pseuds/jigyunet
Summary: A series of one-shots about Lee Jihoon and Kim Mingyu, inspired by Sam Smith's songs in his album, In the Lonely Hour. Mainly angsty stories, so prepare your heart.





	1. Good Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Best if you listen to Sam Smith's Good Thing on repeat while reading this :)

It was cold. Too cold. The streets were empty, snow kept piling up and the orange street light flickered above him. Jihoon was standing in front of an apartment, Mingyu's apartment. He felt fear, nervousness, but most of all loneliness. Jihoon looked at the doorbell, hesitant as he tried to reach out to press it. He chewed on his bottom lip, he just couldn't bring himself to press it, as he closed his eyes he remembers all too well why he was standing in the cold in the first place. Jihoon could feel his tears already coming up, his heart pounded and the heat resonating from his chest continued to burn like a furnace.

 

* * *

 

 

It was the winter of 2013, Jihoon was forced to go to his friend's Christmas party. Parties were not really Jihoon's type of scene, he would rather go to a bar, order beer and find the most secluded place possible with a few good friends beside him. For the first ten minutes he was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of people inside. The apartment was big enough but at the same time too small to hold big parties. He made his way to the cooler to get a can of beer. He was dragged by Jun, might as well enjoy his friend's party with a refreshment. He made his way to the staircase where he made himself comfortable as he took a sit on the steps. He thought he could find some peace and quiet when suddenly he finds his ex-boyfriend Choi Seungcheol flirting it up with Jun's bestfriend, Minghao. Jihoon rolled his eyes at the god awful scenery by the hallway. Their break up was amicable and they remained great friends but Jihoon can't tolerate whatever form of flirting there is.

 

Jihoon took a big gulp of his beer, hoping he can last through the night; He already made up his mind, his eyes are on the 6 pack of beer cans inside the cooler and he had hope he won't get acid reflux because of it. He ran his nimble fingers through his ravenous hair as he heaved out a heavy sigh of indifference.

 

"Looks like you need one more can." 

 

Jihoon looked up to see an obnoxiously tall man in front of him. It kind of annoyed him how overly friendly the man looked, but he mentioned  ** _one more can_** and that was enough to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

"I really do." Jihoon smiled as he scooched over to give the man some space to sit beside him. "I'm Jihoon, you are?"

 

"Mingyu. Kim Mingyu." He said, Mingyu was holding a can of beer as well. Jihoon looked at him, observed the man beside him. Mingyu looked... okay, attractive even, Jihoon could tell Mingyu was the annoying type from the get-go. 

 

"We'll probably won't see or talk to each other again... so I'll give you my company." Jihoon rolled his eyes.

 

Mingyu chuckled at his statement which made Jihoon raise his brows, "How are you so sure we're not going to cross paths again? What if we became really good friends?"

 

"For starters... I don't hang out with people like you." 

 

"Ouch." Mingyu nudged an elbow, "What do you mean by  ** _people like me_**?"

 

Well, Jihoon did say he was going to give him his company, so he might as well entertain the tall guy's questions. "Party scene, overly-friendly? Yeah, that's not gonna roll with me."

 

"So you're a grumpy twenty-something dude who wants to be a loner forever?" Mingyu joked.

 

"Exactly." For the first time that night, Jihoon smiled. His smile made his eyes disappear, the corner of his lips would curl in a certain way that made him look like a plushy and his little dimples on the sides would appear subtly.Somehow Mingyu looked at him a little too long and it made Jihoon feel something weird. That night, every time Jihoon could feel the odd feeling inside his stomach, he took a big gulp of his drink. One can turned to two and two became five and five turned to 2 packs of beer and a massive feeling of regret in Jihoon's part. He had to let himself be man handled in the least gracious way possible by the obnoxiously tall guy he just met to the bathroom.

 

"Can't you just puke it out-"

 

"Listen here, you lamp post. I am dying inside Jun's bathroom and god knows what's been going on inside here." Jihoon drawled out, his body feeling heavy and his knees turning weak. "J-Just...." Jihoon tried to gather his thoughts, "Stay here and be a supportive one night friend."

 

"One night friend? I thought I told you-"

 

He just wanted Mingyu to shut up for a moment, he just wanted someone to pat his back while he gathers his sanity together until he can go home safely that night. But no, Jihoon just had to pull Mingyu by his collar and kiss him torridly inside Jun's bathroom. Must be his frustration or must be the pent up sexual tension that he was holding off in the back of his mind but none of that mattered when he felt Mingyu kissing him back.

 

The kiss was hot, needy and all be it, a little bit rough. Mingyu's hands were all over him, his legs wrapped around Mingyu's waist and their tongues were basically dancing inside each other's mouths. It turned him on, a one night friend might turn into a one night stand. They went on with making out for a good few minutes before they heard a knock on the door. The both of them stopped at the same time, they looked at each other for a second, hair in a mess, lips plush from their own doing and clothes wrinkled. The two immediately separated and fixed themselves before going out.

 

"I was looking for the two of you but I guess you already met?" Jun had a sly smile on his face, a smile that Jihoon wanted to punch.

 

"It's not what it looks like." Jihoon said in a stoic manner, "I drank all the beer you had left in the cooler and this person just happened to help me regain a bit of my dignity." Sometimes Jihoon had to give himself a pat on the back for being so quick witted at the same time he was able to control whatever it was that's been going on inside of him.

 

"Yeah." Mingyu agreed.

 

"Anyway.." Jun tried to change the topic since it was getting a little bit boring, "I was about to tell you about your ex-boyfriend-"

 

"Ex-boyfriend?" Mingyu raised his brows, he was a little bit taken aback, "You're.... gay?"

 

"Yeah." Jihoon said in a matter of fact-ly. "Is it a problem?"

 

"N-No!" Mingyu immediately shook his head in defense.

 

"Well, Jihoonie likes to keep it chill and low." Jun placed an arm over Jihoon's shoulder, "It's normal that you wouldn't notice since you're an all out ladies man."

 

**_Ladies man._ **

 

Jihoon thought of those two words a little too long to his liking as he observed the tall man before him. 

 

* * *

 

 

Well, that was the start of their story. Jihoon finally had the courage to ring the doorbell. He placed his hand back to his pockets as he stood in the cold for a few minutes before the door finally opened. The warm light illuminated his pale face as Mingyu's smile greeted him. The usual person, in the usual place. It felt like home... but home is sometimes unbearable as well. He gave Mingyu a small smile before he let himself be lead upstairs. Mingyu was awfully talkative that night, more than before. Jihoon nodded and agreed, at least he should be a little bit cooperative since the man was kind enough to let him in.

 

But something about it reminded him of a bitter memory. A cluster of emotions came over him as the thoughts of their relationship in an earlier stage made him feel nostalgic.

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was still winter when they met again. Jihoon was walking to his favorite coffee shop when he saw Mingyu having (supposedly) a date with a woman by the window of the cafe. The scenery tasted bitter for him for some reason but Jihoon paid no mind, after all, it was none of his business. Jihoon made his way inside, ordered his usual and sat by the window across the room from where Mingyu was. 

 

He opened his book, hoping he could get a chapter or two out of the sitting but the person across the room made it impossible for him to concentrate. Jihoon had an internal battle with himself. He declared that they were only one time friends but why was he so bothered by Mingyu's date? He hated himself, he hated how he was acting like a whiny jealous teenager when first of all, they were never in a relationship in the first place and second of all, Jihoon never had feelings for Mingyu, at all.

 

Jihoon thought he would have to suffer making chance eye contact with Mingyu for a good hour or two, but to his surprise, Soonyoung popped out of nowhere and took a sit on his table.

 

"What are you doing here?" Jihoon asked.

 

"You always go here every Friday." Soonyoung gave a cheeky smile, "Besides, I was just around the neighborhood."

 

Jihoon gave a bright smile to his friend. He's been friends with Soonyoung for a hefty amount of years. He's been through awkward teenage years with him, as well as his first heartbreak and the first time he came out to his parents and also he was there when Jihoon broke up with Seungcheol. Soonyoung was a life saver to say the least. Jihoon was thankful for having such a wonderful friend, he hoped that having Soonyoung around would distract him from Mingyu.

 

It went a little over an hour and a half when Mingyu  _finally_ decided to call it a day with his date. Jihoon released a sigh of relief as his eyes slowly followed the tall man's figure exiting the cafe. Jihoon could finally breathe, he could finally freely tap his feet and fingers as he read his book. It didn't take too long for him to finish a couple of chapters. Soonyoung had to go to the dance studio while he had to go back to his new apartment to settle in. He just moved flats since the last one had noisy tenants and that will never go smoothly with him.

 

Jihoon made his way out of the coffee shop. Bracing himself to the cold he continued to do long strides, hoping to get home as quick as possible but as he turned to the corner he was pulled in by a strong force. He looked up to find Mingyu looking down on him. Jihoon widened his small eyes, confused and most of all startled by the situation. How many minutes did Mingyu wait for? How did Mingyu even know he was going this route? And how was it even possible that Mingyu remembered him?

 

"Hi."

 

"Not necessarily the go-to way to greet other people." Jihoon quipped.

 

"Who was that?" Mingyu asked, he sounded a bit like a whiny puppy.

 

"Who?" Jihoon quirked his eyebrows, "Soonyoung? He's a friend."

 

"I see." Mingyu rested his palm on his chest as he released a sigh of relief.

 

"Who was that with you earlier?" It was Jihoon's turn to ask.

 

"......." Mingyu fell silent for a minute.

 

"Well, whatever." Jihoon shrugged, "I guess it was a date." He wanted to get out of the situation as fast as possible. The last thing he wanted was finally coming terms to his own feelings and finally realize that he might actually want to start something with the annoying guy beside him. He easily moved away from Mingyu, he started to stried away when suddenly he felt a pull once more. 

 

"Yah-" This time Jihoon was silenced by Mingyu's lips. It felt so surreal for him, it felt good.. maybe a little too good. Jihoon cursed at himself for being so weak in a time that he had to have mental, emotional and physical stability. He was easily whisked away by an annoying guy he had met at that party.  The kiss was just like the last time, hot and heavy. They were by the corner of the street, nobody could see them in the shadows.

 

".....Want to continue where we left off?" Mingyu gave a cheeky grin.

 

"Is this going to be a thing now?" Jihoon tried his best to look as disinterested as possible.

 

"If you want it to be."

 

* * *

 

 

Now, Jihoon was sitting on the same old couch that once held a memory of the first time he came to Mingyu's apartment to make out. Mingyu handed a mug of coffee, black, unsweetened, just how he liked it. Jihoon held on a bittersweet smile as he ran his thumb back and forth on the surface of the ceramic. Mingyu didn't notice the change of air around Jihoon, and somehow, Jihoon was thankful for that. Mingyu's usual smile melted the ice that's been forming outside the window, his voice felt like coffee, it'll warm you up and the way that he looked at you could melt you like a marshmallow hovering over a fire.

 

But the more Jihoon looked at Mingyu's face, the more he remembers the utter heartbreak he felt in this very apartment. He could vividly remember the tears and the hurt he felt that day. It was still engraved in his mind and after that, he just couldn't get pass it. He tried to, but he realized that he was not going to let himself become stupidly in love.

 

* * *

 

 

"What are we?" Jihoon asked in a straight forward manner. His naked body was covered by a white blanket. The scent of spring wafted in the air and the view from the bedroom window bloomed with leaves and flowers. The question was direct and precise, Mingyu knotted his brows together, confused.

 

"We're friends." Mingyu replied.

 

"Is that all?" Jihoon felt a bit disappointed by his answer. He took it upon himself to get up from the bed and get dressed. Mingyu knew exactly what was going on and somehow he wasn't making an effort to actually be honest. Jihoon held his all, he didn't want to let Mingyu see his sad face, he tried his best to act as disinterested as he normally was.

 

"What do you want me to say?" Mingyu's voice sounded frustrated, like he didn't care about the obvious disappointment in Jihoon's voice.

 

Jihoon stopped midway, he already had his pants buttoned as he turned around to say, "I want you to tell me if our relationship is worth something."

 

"What do you mean?" Mingyu messed his hair up, this time he was pissed, "This is nothing more that bros helping each other out-"

 

"When are you gonna let that thick head of yours realize that maybe you're attracted to me-"

 

"Men?" Mingyu scoffed, "Jihoon, I'm  _not_ gay."

 

Those words were enough for Jihoon to shed a tear, a single tear, but that's all he ever allowed him to see. At that point, Jihoon immediately put on his shirt and left without saying a word. He left the apartment in tears, he hailed a cab and immediately went to Soonyoung's place. There, Jihoon was greeted with a warm hug and a huge blanket over him. 

 

"Didn't I tell you to not take that guy seriously?" Soonyoung's gentle manner cushioned the blow.

 

"I just thought.... everything was going so well.... I thought maybe he was-"

 

"Different?" Soonyoung asked. His friend was broken down once again by another undeserving guy. He ran his fingers through his hair, what was he to do when his friend is inevitably in love with a guy who doesn't love him back?

 

"He said he was not gay.." Jihoon explained, "At that point... I understood..." It pained him to actually voice out what he was thinking, "He will never consider me as someone that he would love... or even pursue a relationship with." 

 

Soonyoung was quiet for a few minutes. He intertwined his fingers, he looked like he was thinking of something serious. It was an odd sight for Jihoon, he never saw Soonyoung so concentrated. It made him feel a bit nervous, but he guessed it was better than being reprimanded.

 

"I was going to tell you this sooner but... I'm going to live in Europe for a few months." Soonyoung blurted out.

 

"Wha- So you're going to leave me?"

 

"Well.... No." Soonyoung bit his lower lip before continuing, "I was thinking of inviting you to come and live with me there. I think it's good for you."

 

* * *

 

 

"You're leaving?!" Mingyu's eyes widened in shock, he just couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 

Jihoon held on a nervous smile on his face, he held the mug tight as he continued, "I think it will be a good opportunity for me to go out of the country and to utilize my craft as a musician." It pained him. God knows it pained Jihoon so much to face the person that he loves, saying goodbye to him only to remind himself that the person in front of him will never love him back. He knew that whatever it was they had going on was too much of a good thing/ He had to cut it off immediately before he breaks himself completely. He knew Mingyu was never going to see him as a lover and his chest ached even more because Jihoon could see a future with him. 

 

"This is so sudden." Mingyu looked a bit out of place.

 

"Well, yeah." Jihoon took a sip from the coffee. He never once thought of black coffee to be bitter, but somehow when he took a sip, it held a strong taste of sadness. "It was a sudden decision as well."

 

Jihoon had to look straight into Mingyu's eyes with a face that held lies. He smiled, he laughed, he even pretended to be fine. Jihoon was conflicted. He wished he could stay longer, to have one last kiss, but also he wanted to get out of there immediately, he wanted to be free of his feelings. Good things don't last for long, and Jihoon had to learn the hard way that he had to give it up before it turns into a bad one.

 

"Good Bye." 


	2. Stay with Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night in with a stranger never felt so comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to Stay with Me on repeat for this one :D enjoy ~

Wet kisses, soft lips and heavy handed groping were the only things that could fill Jihoon's mind. A few drinks, a little bit of flirting and it all lead up to him bringing home a handsome man he just met in the club with the promise of good sex. Jihoon's hair was already damp from the heat of the moment. Everything was so passionate, so rough and so heavenly. Every touch that was given to him were in utmost care yet it felt aggressive at the same time. Jihoon closed his eyes, he never felt so cared for before. 

 

The man's lips touched the sensitive area on his neck and it made him whimper. Jihoon felt his knees weaken, he was lying their naked and on his back with a man trampling over him, bombarding him with wet and hungry kisses, marking every inch of his body. He didn't mind that the extra weight was on top of him, oh, he never really paid mind to it when he was already coming undone under such a handsome man. He felt a bit vulnerable, he never had such an intimate experience with anyone before. There was always a moan ready in the back of Jihoon's throat, he was drowning in lust.

 

The man stopped for a moment, his large hands touching Jihoon's hips. He carefully observed the man under him. Messy hair that stuck to his forehead, cheeks that had the color of roses and lips plumped from biting too much of it. What a beautiful man, he thought. 

 

"Mingyu..." Jihoon called out his name, his brows were furrowed together as if he was dissatisfied with what was happening. The said man chuckled at his actions before diving back to give him a sensual kiss. Jihoon looked delectable, he didn't want to stop. How can Mingyu stumble upon a guy in a club who would let him do so many things to him? Maybe they shared a mutual sense of loneliness or that the both of them were just piss drunk; But in the end, Mingyu liked what he was doing and whom he was doing it with.

 

Jihoon's eyes were already glazed over, his fingers clawing the back of Mingyu's back. He could feel his high riding once more as if the act itself was an addictive drug. Mingyu held on to his small body tightly, the smell of Jihoon's shampoo reaching his nose. It was mixed with sweat and the crisp scent of mint. There was something about Jihoon's scent that made him more turned on than anyone he's ever been with. Every time Mingyu hears Jihoon's whimpers and every time Mingyu sees the way Jihoon parts his lips makes it harder for him to compose himself.

 

But their euphoria was about to end that night. It was only a one night stand but the feeling they've both been holding off that night was obvious, they didn't want it to end. Jihoon laid on the bed, his eyes following Mingyu's tanned and well-built body. He was already dressing himself, buttoning his shirt, pulling up his pants, maybe there was more time to talk after everything? 

 

"Why don't you stay for the night?" He didn't know what came over him but Jihoon already blurted out what he was holding off in the back of his mind. 

 

Mingyu turned around to meet Jihoon's eyes. He could tell it wasn't intentional, he could tell that Jihoon was immediately regretting what he said. The tall man gave a toothy grin and an awkward chuckle, he made his way back to the bed, helping himself to lie down next to Jihoon.

 

"I thought this was a one night stand?" Mingyu asked as they both stared at the ceiling.

 

"It is." Jihoon reassured him, "I just wanted some company for the rest of the night."

 

The two of them shared a comfortable silence. None of them spoke but they stayed up together. Jihoon with his naked body under the blanket turned to face Mingyu, he felt warm with a person beside him. He didn't want to admit it but Mingyu was the best person he ever slept with and he had hoped that maybe if he asked, maybe they can do it again but he knew it will never work. The two of them immediately had an agreement about that night. They just wanted sex and nothing more, they didn't want it to lead into some emotional baggage that soon they might regret. 

 

"Lonely?" Mingyu asked in which Jihoon replied with a nod. At this point, Mingyu just let himself be swept away by the guy beside him. He fixed himself in the bed and pulled Jihoon closer to his body. He cuddled him through out that night, none of them wanted to speak up, they were too afraid of what might come out of their lips. But Mingyu was more nonchalant about it, he genuinely thinks that Jihoon is an interesting guy' that's why he agreed to a one night stand with him in the first place.

 

"Why do I feel comfortable with you?" Jihoon asked, his throat was a bit soar. He couldn't look Mingyu in the eyes.

 

"Because we don't have a relationship." Mingyu explained in a light hearted manner. "Since we both mean nothing to each other, we both have nothing to lose."

 

"You're right." Jihoon nestled his head on the crook of Mingyu's neck. He took in Mingyu's scent, the smell of soap and fabric conditioner mixed in together. He felt the warm embrace of Mingyu's long arms and the relaxing way he breathed. Jihoon closed his eyes, letting the moment lull him to sleep. After all, he will never get a chance to do this again, because when he finally opens his eyes, it will be morning and the one embracing him will be gone.

 

But Jihoon knows that the only thing that will keep them together was this one and only memory.


	3. Leave Your Lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite songs in the album and it hurts so bad ;u; Please be sad with me and play Leave your Lover on repeat :DDDDD

The crisp winter air blew, taking along the dark blue waves to the shores. The dry sand from summer turned moist from winter and the mostly packed beach was left with two people standing by the shore. It was December, it was unbearable but somehow Mingyu thought that being with Jihoon was colder. The winter air was no match for the cold and lonely feeling he was having. Jihoon stood right beside him but it felt like a block of ice was separating the two of them. But Mingyu knew he was the only one feeling these things and it hurt more to even realize it himself.

 

But what made it worse was the way Jihoon looked at him. His eyes would glisten under the sunless sky and his bright smile melted the snow surrounding them. Jihoon may act cold towards other people but for Mingyu, Jihoon was the sun that's been shining down on him ever since they met. The two stood there like they have all the time in the world. They were having fun with each other's company and their smiles were contagious to one another.

 

Mingyu took Jihoon's hand and placed it inside his pocket. "Let's share this heat pack, hyung." Mingyu smiled. Jihoon complied with a smile as they both held each other's hands with a heat pack between them. 

 

"Isn't it nice?" Jihoon looked up at the grey skies, "I love winter."

 

"I'm freezing my hand off in the middle of winter." Mingyu chuckled, "But since you dragged me out here, I guess I can endure it."

 

And once again, the two looked at each other as if they were the only ones left on earth. There was something about the way they stare at each other that may confuse other people and mistake them for something more than friends. It's like they've been in love with each other since their previous lives. Mingyu knew, he knew how they looked for other people and somehow, he just lets them assume. It's the only way his heart can go through all of this. Just a little bit of dreaming won't hurt him, right?

 

"I wanted to be with you." Jihoon smiled. He was never the type to be affectionate nor was he the type to be emotional, but he really wanted to say the words that's been circling his mind for a long time.

 

"....."

 

How was Mingyu going to respond that? Mingyu gave a small smile, a smile that was small enough that Jihoon would never notice it masked something else.

 

"You are my special person, Minggu." Jihoon continued, although the tip of his ears were already red, he continued, "I can't think of a life without you."

 

Sweet words that escaped Jihoon's lips felt like thorns inside Mingyu's heart.  When did it start to feel so hurtful? Was it when they spent the day inside his apartment cuddling each other? Or was it the time they held hands comfortably? Maybe it was the time Jihoon smiled at him for the very first time and he knew that his heart was going to beat only for him. Although Mingyu stood beside Jihoon, it felt like he was standing with a stranger, a stranger he couldn't hold down anymore. He wished that their relationship as friends would just go on forever, he was content with that but nothing lasts forever and the future was catching up to him.

 

"Why are you telling me these things?" Mingyu joked, "I might misunderstand it."

 

"Why would you misunderstand it?" Jihoon laughed, "You know what I meant, right? You know me, you know my heart." 

 

"That's exactly why I might misunderstand the things that you say." Mingyu playfully pulled Jihoon closer to his side, he was trying his best to keep the mood up. "I know you all too well."

 

"I hope we can stay like this forever." Jihoon took a big sigh and looked at the sea in front of him.

 

"We can't." Mingyu abruptly replied with a hint of hurt in his voice, Jihoon immediately fixed his gaze to the tall man beside him. 

 

"Why?"

 

"Because hyung won't be mine anymore." Mingyu felt compressed, his chest was aching and his tears were already on the verge of rolling down his cheeks. "I mean... Hyung won't be my friend anymore."

 

"What are you talking about? We're still going to be friends no matter what." Jihoon was so confused, he could feel Mingyu's hand tightening against his.

 

"Because Jihoonie hyung and Wonwoo hyung are engaged and you're going to be married tomorrow." Mingyu gave a melancholic smile, "So we can't be like this, since you already found your forever." Mingyu wanted to cry but he couldn't afford to, he knew he had to look okay, he knew he had to be fine in front of Jihoon.

 

"What's with you?" Jihoon laughed, lightening the mood. "You'll forever be my best guy!"

 

"Apparently not enough to be the one standing beside you at the altar..." Mingyu mumbled under his breath, his black hair covering his eyes. He quickly heaved a heavy breath and smiled brightly at the man beside him, "As long as I'm still your favorite!"They both laughed.

 

Mingyu couldn't count how many times he had to put on a fake smile just to hide what he really felt. He couldn't fathom ending their friendship for his own feelings and he wasn't confident enough in himself. But if he could, he would want Jihoon to be with him and if he could, he would kiss him right then and there and ask Jihoon to run away with him and to not go through with the wedding. The thought of holding the one you love knowing that he will never love you back hurts, but what hurt Mingyu more was that if he only acted upon his feelings sooner then maybe he was in Wonwoo's position right now. 

 

But Mingyu hoped that maybe in their next life, God will allow them to be together, for real this time.


	4. I'm Not the Only One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite songs in the album <3 Really breaks your heart but please listen to I'm Not the Only One by Sam Smith :") Happy New Year everyone!

The way Mingyu's hair would fall into place and the way his smile brightened up the room, it made Jihoon's heart flutter. He reached for the tall man's hand, holding it tightly as they sat in the middle of the hall. Being newly married felt great, it felt nice, but somehow Jihoon felt lonely. There he was, with his white tuxedo on and an embarrassing little veil on his head that his mother forced him to wear, beside him was the love of his life, the one that he'll spend the rest of his life with. 

 

Big parties was not really his cup of tea, but Jihoon, for the sake of everyone who wanted to have a good time, held the wedding reception with such grandeur. Beautiful cherry blossom trees potted in a large clay pots were everywhere. The ceilings were decorated with fairy lights that looked like they were descending from the ceiling. It was like a dream, a fairy tale of sorts as everyone dressed their best for their special day. Jihoon looked at the simple gold band on his ring finger, he moved his hand a little to see the little diamond stones around it.

 

"Admiring your ring?" Mingyu whispered, which caught him off-guard. He looked a bit lost for a moment before giving him his usual cheshire smile.

 

"Minggu..." Jihoon felt his heart tug a bit, "I love you."

 

Mingyu looked at Jihoon's brown eyes and with his usual puppy-like smile, he responded, "I love you too hyung, to the moon and back."

 

It all seemed surreal. They were surrounded by friends and loved ones, Jihoon could hear the chuckles and the cheer as well as the clinking off glass as they celebrated their union. But something felt unbearably off. Jihoon knew that he  _should_ be happy and he  _should_ be smiling sincerely, but why did it feel like it was a sham to him? Jihoon's small smile slowly faded as he looked at his ring again, his chest tightened at the sight of the ring, it felt, suffocating.

 

"Congratulations to the both of you."

 

That voice. That voice made Jihoon's ears perk up. He looked up to find Wonwoo in front of them. Naturally, Jihoon responded with a smile and a warm hug to boot. That's how it always been. They were bestfriends through and through and that's how it should be, right? But as soon as Jihoon reverted back to his chair, his eyes followed Mingyu's and at that moment, his own heart broke into pieces. 

 

Jihoon realized right then and there, it was not him. No matter how hard he tried to be, it will never be him. Mingyu's endearing eyes always shone brightly but it was different with Wonwoo. Mingyu's eyes looked like it was staring at someone who he'd give up everything for. His eyes that were glued to Wonwoo and his eyes that screamed love in the most hurtful way Jihoon could fathom. 

 

Maybe it was his own fault? Maybe it was just bound to be that way no matter how hard he tried? Mingyu once loved Wonwoo... well from what Jihoon believes, that love never faded anyway. Wonwoo and Mingyu were basically inseparable, they were also the best of friends, the three of them were, but Mingyu didn't see Wonwoo that way. Mingyu saw the other man as the future he wants to be in. Those lingering stares during move night, or the subtle brush of the hand during dinners, Mingyu tried his best to convey his feelings and Jihoon tried his best to pretend not to see those things. 

 

Jihoon was a witness to Mingyu's unrequited love. He watched as Mingyu fall madly in love with their friend, he watched him when Mingyu had to carry Wonwoo all the way to their dorm because Wonwoo was dead drunk. He also watched Mingyu as he comforted Wonwoo when he broke up with his girlfriend, Jihoon's small eyes watched Mingyu rush from his university all the way to the hospital because Wonwoo caught the flu. And now, Jihoon watched his husband look at Wonwoo the same way he looks at him as it had always been. 

 

But all of these things, all of his feelings that's been gnawing Jihoon's poor and beaten heart, all of it, he tried to mask. May it be with a playful joke or an affectionate hug, he always tried to hide it. Maybe because deep inside, he knows that no matter where he stood, he will always be second in Mingyu's heart and he is afraid to come to terms with that truth. He is afraid that if he confronts Mingyu about it, his one and only answer will be Wonwoo and not him.

 

Back then, he comforted Mingyu's crying.He comforted him when loving Wonwoo was too much and he comforted him when looking at Wonwoo sometimes blinded him too much. Jihoon saw Mingyu struggle and he was always there for him through out. Maybe it was his wishful thinking, or maybe it was just his selfishness, but he had hoped that Mingyu would one day realize that Jihoon was there all along.

 

But here he is now, Mingyu is married to Jihoon and that's how it should be, right? But maybe if he didn't kiss Mingyu that fateful night then maybe Mingyu's feelings wouldn't be swayed? that's what jihoon believes and all the evidence that he needed was right in front of him. Mingyu's heart didn't belong to him and somehow, Jihoon had to live with that fact for the rest of his life. He watched his husband smile so brightly, like everyone else was a blur, even him. But no matter how hard Jihoon convinced himself that he maybe he was the end game, he knew that he was just the cement that filled the holes Mingyu had on his heart.

 

Jihoon looked down once again to check his ring, having it on feels painful to him.

 

"Hyung, are you okay?" Mingyu noticed the shallow air around them. He looked to his husband and placed an arm around his small stature.

 

"I'm okay." Jihoon replied with a small smile, just tired.

 

Mingyu widened his eyes and placed his free hand on top of his mouth, "Are you.... pregnant?"

 

"Stupid." Jihoon playfully slaps his significant other's chest. 

 

"I love you, hyung." Mingyu rested his forehead on top of Jihoon's and gave him a smile.

 

"I love you too, stupid.... to the moon and back." Jihoon smiled, that's all he could do. Smile.


End file.
